And so I fill the waiting

Why should we wait for someone else to fill our days?

Photo by Levi Meir Clancy on Unsplash

Sometimes it feels like I’m always waiting. Waiting to feel better. Waiting to leave. Waiting for the penny to drop. Waiting for an email. Waiting for the next thing to happen.

This week I read an interesting Substack on the subject of waiting. On filling that empty space between one thing and the next. Rather than leaving an empty space waiting for someone else to fill it.

“Fill your days or wait for your days to be filled”

– Kara Cutruzzula

Brass Ring Daily

“Are you filling your days or waiting for your days to be filled?” she asks. The difference between taking control of your time or waiting for time to take control of you. And she’s right, don’t give someone else the power. Don’t wait for them to validate you with a job offer or a publishing deal. Start the business, share your words and fill your days with the things you think someone else will give you.

There was power in these words this week. As I waited to hear back about a contract, only to discover the waiting is not in fact over and there’s a 3rd interview, so the waiting continues. There is no point in waiting if the wait might never be over!

I refreshed the email, switching between wanting to know the outcome and not wanting to know. Because once the waiting is over, I’ll know either they want me, or they don’t. Either way, there will be feelings to deal with. The anticipation of a new project or the reality of rejection.

I’ve got good at the latter. Believing that each rejection serves to keep me on this path. That every no is a yes to something I don’t quite know yet. All of it tells me to keep going. And so in the midst of getting caught up in the waiting, this post set me back on my path. A reminder I needed to keep going. To keep filling the waiting with life.

With intention, with more pitches, more exciting new things for my business and more words on the page. In the waiting, I fill the days and hours with things I enjoy and things that will keep me moving forward.

I walk the dog. I write. I work on my business. I meet new people. I read. There is no end to the ways in which I’m able to fill the space of waiting.

And so I fill the waiting

The garden needs weeding, the fence needs repairing, and the vegetable seedlings need watering and care before they can be planted out in a few weeks.

And so I fill the waiting.

I go to networking events and meet others doing what I do. I meet other writers. I meet a friend over a beer on a sunny bank holiday weekend and talk about life.

And so I fill the waiting.

With new ideas, inspiration, new applications and pitches for new contracts. Balanced with cuddles with the dog and hours wandering bookshops, dreaming.

And so I fill the waiting.

But I've realised I’m not waiting for someone to fill my days with what they need, I am filling them with what I need. Taking more chances and finding more joy. Because I’m not really waiting, I’m living it right now.

I’m curious, are you filling your days or are you waiting from them to be filled?