Avoiding the ‘only me’ trap

Day two into self employment I took myself out for brunch and here’s why

Aug 14, 2022

I’m an introvert but even I can appreciate that self employment can be lonely. One of the benefits however, is that you’re your own boss. This week I started life as my own boss for the first time in my working life, and with this role comes great responsibility. It can be wonderfully freeing or I can feel like I’m completely and utterly alone. In the past I’ve been told that I’m a good manager. However, I suspect at times without being told I was a bad one too.

I wanted to start things off in my new role right. I wanted to treat myself how I’d always wanted to be treated and sometimes had by my previous employers. Equipment at the ready, purpose, vision everything you need to understand what you do and why you do it. In some jobs you’re on your own from day one piecing everything together at a painfully slow rate as you battle through those early weeks. Left without a laptop or access to folders and systems but still expected to perform without even a whisper of guidance. It was usually those early days that shaped the experience for the duration of my employment. I wanted so much more for myself and I finally had the power to make it happen.

I’ve had some shockingly bad first days. I’ve started jobs before where I’ve spent my first day cleaning out the remnants of my predecessors lunch from my brand new desk. Transferring the debris of the person before piece by piece into the secure bins in the printing room. I’ve started jobs where in the first week I’ve essentially been working like I’m self employed. With no laptop or email address, asked to use my personal laptop and my gmail address because in the three months they knew I was coming they couldn’t manage to arrange a company laptop or email address. I started those roles feeling frustrated, unwelcome and undervalued. These experiences made me wonder if I had made a terrible mistake, not an ideal start to a new gig.

I don’t want that for my fresh start with The Curious Marketer. I want to be the boss to myself that I had always wanted I wanted to do the opposite of those that had fallen short. I want to be the boss to myself that others said I was to them, which begins with a great first week. One that outlines and demonstrates the values of my business and in turn my own values. So I took myself out for a welcome brunch. I sat down and wrote this post while I sipped my iced caramel latte and enjoyed my pancakes with bacon and maple syrup. It’s what I would do for my own new team members when they start so why wouldn’t I do it for myself.

In her book Alonement – how to be alone and absolutely own it, Francesca Spector talks about avoiding falling into the only me trap. And I think this applies just as much to running your own business as it does to spending time alone.

‘Holding yourself to the same standards you might in the presence of others sends a message to yourself that you are important. That you have more regard for your-self than the electrician you hastily hoovered the house for’
‘You’re not only me, you matter’

And she’s right. So as I embark on my first early tentative steps into my own business and self employment journey I will carry this with me. I will be the understanding and supportive boss I deserve. Simply because I matter.

Have you had a particularly good or bad first day at a new job?

Avoiding the ‘only me’ trap

Day two into self employment I took myself out for brunch and here’s why

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