For as long as I’ve been a working aged adult I have let my job title define me. Walking into a room of people I don’t know, which I find terrifying at the best of times, the first question that usually breaks the ice is what do you do? The first thing that comes to mind is the job title, which seldomly explains any job with great eloquence or detail. As if that label, those grouping of sometimes random words would summarise a whole person, the years of existence, inner workings of a mind and seek to give the enquirer a full picture of a person. How do we expect one or two words to mean anything at all? I'm sure most friends and family members still have no idea what I did in those jobs and sometimes neither do I.
Throughout my career in media and the later few years in brand and marketing, whenever I tried to explain my job title or industry it was always met with a head tilt. If friends and family were asked to relay what I did for work they would usually say something in advertising or admit they don’t actually know. So why should I let something that fails to remain in the consciousness of the people that know me best be the one thing that defines me? To be honest at times I have been unable to answer the question myself as the remit of jobs widens considerably, demands changing sometimes daily. I think at times we have all been left wondering what it is we actually do. So why let it define us? Especially if no one really understands anyway.
Who am I if I’m not a job title? This is something I’ve been exploring again for the first time since university. After almost 2 decades I’ve got a much more interesting answer to that question. I’m a dog mum, a wife, a friend, a baker, a walker, a nature lover, a birdwatcher, a gardener, a thinker, a worrier, an introvert, a learner, a reader and a writer. I expect I will also be many more things I’m yet to discover. Surely all these elements that make me, me give you a richer picture of what I’m all about than Brand Strategy and Comms Planning Lead or Associate Director at a media agency. A more 3 dimensional person sits behind those words and there are many more stories to be unfurled within each of those dimensions and more interesting ones too. But if I hadn’t stepped away from the job title for a while I’m not sure I would have remembered all the things I am when I’m not at work and even still when I am. Work is a dimension to us if we choose it to be, it is not the only thing that determines our worth. I’d like to think I make a more valuable contribution to the world through being a gardener than I ever would coming up with a strategy to get more people to buy more stuff they don’t actually need.
When I first let go of my job title, the one I had thought I wanted, I felt free. The title might have looked like success but once I got it, it didn’t feel like that to me. In every variation of job title I’ve had there has always been an emptiness. I’ve never felt I belonged most of the time, not in an imposter syndrome way, I just never felt content. In an industry that praises ambition with awards for 30 under 30, agency of the year, planner of the year, moving up the ladder I never felt I quite belonged. I could do the job, there was never any doubt about that and I did it well, if there was something I didn’t know I found it out, I played the game and moved up the ladder. I didn’t want to let anyone down, I didn’t want to come across as not ambitious enough or be seen as difficult or not a team player. I spent at least half of my career so far wondering why no-one else felt that way and if we were supposed to feel an emptiness or apathy at work. Perhaps it is because I put too much of my personal worth into my job title.
I read an interesting post recently on a Blog that spoke about the term enmeshment which is defined as ‘a relationship between two or more people in which personal boundaries are permeable or unclear’ This term is also used to describe the blurring of boundaries between a person and their job. The post went on to say that ‘people who identify themselves solely by their careers tend to work longer hours, have difficulties disconnecting from work, and end up being available 24/7 or even when on holiday. All these in turn will cause burnout’ I found this to be eerily accurate and astoundingly eye opening.
Here’s what I’m going to do. The very next time I meet someone new and they ask me what I do I’m not going to lead with well I used to be a … job title, job aspiration or any type of professional accomplishments. I will tell them something else about me which makes me, well me, and see how the conversation shifts and what new things come up. Letting go of a job title I used to have will make space for all the things I am, can be and all I will be. Who are you?
Things I’m curious about this week…
I’ve been reading an article this week ‘It is the workplace, not women’s confidence, that needs to be fixed’ For too long it’s been womens confidence that is the reason for less women in leadership this article tells us what we have long suspected, that the problem doesn’t lie with womens confidence it’s the undervalue of womens contribution.
I read an article in Stylist Magazine about why Kate Winslet decided to take a year off after filming the mare of east town. I think it’s important to talk about taking breaks and to normalise rest but the most interesting thing for me was the comments section. People were really piling on the guilt and shame for taking a break when we should be normalising and supporting. Something to think about.