‘The most challenging and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself’
Why do we forget to love ourselves?
Photo by Oleg Illarionov on Unsplash
As Carrie said so eloquently in the closing scene of the final season of Sex and the City ‘The most challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well that’s just fabulous’ The series whilst on the surface appeared to be about romantic relationships was under the surface about the relationship you have with yourself.
Over the years, like any long term relationship, me and myself have had our ups and downs. Times of feeling connected, in sync, where it just feels easy and other times where it’s just bloody hard. We have laughed hard and fallen on our face just as hard, but over the years I had begun to take myself for granted.
I’d been by my side through big moves from one side of the world to the other, to moving in with someone, to moving on from various jobs, we have navigated both challenge and change together. But it had been years since I had really taken care of myself and I don’t mean in a warm bath, glass of wine, scented candle kind of way but really truly listened to myself and taken care of me. I had spent the better part of 2 decades sitting in offices well into the evening, time measured by the ticking sound of the fluorescent lights as they switched off one by one in an almost empty office. Years of saying yes when I really meant no.
In late 2019 I was faced with another decision, this time about my career. After 15 years in an agency I had the opportunity to move into the client side role. I had been on a secondment with the company for 6 months and knew some of the challenges that lay before me if I took the job. It took me a long time to decide if I was going to take it, my intuition told me at the top of her voice ‘Hell No!’ But as we were estranged at the time I only heard that as fear of change and did it anyway. My self could only look on in horror as for the next 6 months I continued to work myself into exhaustion and allow myself to be treated badly, resulting in a very spectacular burn out.
By not listening to my intuition I had put myself in a situation that was not for me and it certainly let me know. Obviously curious about intuition and why I chose to ignore it I looked a little deeper. Intuition operates through the right side of our brain (the emotional side) travelling down to our gut. For women, the connection between the left and right brain is stronger than that of men. This means women are better able and faster at accessing each side of the brain, essentially better integration between the emotional right brain and the left more logical where decisions are made, I think this must have been the reason for the phrase women’s intuition.
Armed with this knowledge that intuition actually is a thing, I am trying to listen more closely, the first step in repairing this relationship with myself. The next step is treating myself as a friend, not a productivity machine. Even during my career break I have measured my self worth in what I have achieved. Don’t get me wrong the bathroom definitely needed some TLC and the kitchen cabinets absolutely needed to be transformed from early 00’s beige to serenity green, but there wasn’t much rest in those first few months and I’m trying to change that.
It’s a tough habit to break, but now I’m trying to be kinder to myself, so whilst Valentine’s Day isn’t such a big celebration for my husband and I, I have used the occasion to celebrate with another love in my life, me. Coffee in a cafe, flowers and a promise to do better this year.
So if like me you are looking to repair, strengthen or rebuild your relationship with you here are some ideas to help your journey.
Go on a solo adventure/weekend away
Buy yourself some beautiful flowers
Take yourself out for coffee and cake
Learn something you’ve always wanted to just because
Remind yourself about one good thing you’ve done for you this week that isn’t ticking something off a list
If you have any ideas to share I’d love to hear them, share in the comments below.
What I’ve been curious about this week…
This is Going to Hurt
I’ve been watching This is Going to Hurt the BBC adaption of Adam Kay’s 2017 memoir about the life of a junior doctor in the NHS. This portrayal of what really goes on behind the swinging doors in the NHS is as funny as it is gut wrenchingly real. I have Adam Kay’s next book ‘Undoctored’ which is due out in September firmly on my reading list.
Watch the trailer for This is Going to Hurt here:
Is this the year we resolve to work less?
I am incredibly curious about the world of work, why it is like it is and why we sometimes let it overwhelm our lives. So I’ve been reading an article: Is this the year we resolve to work less, an insight into a different way of looking at the world of work.
Read the article here: The Year We Resolve to Work Less