The truth about workplace burnout

Sometimes the only solution is knowing when to quit

Photo by Yaoqi on Unsplash

I’ve always been able to handle work pressure relatively well. I’d worked in some of the largest and most face paced media agencies for 15 years juggling multiple clients at once with ease. I’d been able to do it all, until one day I couldn’t.

In July 2020 on a bright summer morning everything ground to a halt. I opened my laptop after a long weekend and hundreds of emails began piling into my inbox, my phone pinged with a message from my only team member to say she wouldn’t be in and my MS Teams alerted me that I was due in a meeting in 5 minutes, the first of many that had trickled into my inbox during my absence. Previously, in moments such as this I would have felt slightly overwhelmed by the noise but would have been able to step back and figure it out what to deal with first, but on this midsummer morning my mind and body shut down. Unlike the times before I couldn’t think my way out, so I closed my laptop where it would stay that way for 3 months.

Something broke inside me that morning, it felt as if I had been stuffing everything into a suitcase and those last few pressures had seen it burst its seams, contents spilling out everywhere. At the time I had no idea what I had been experiencing was burnout and once it had got to this critical point it had tipped into anxiety. I was 6 months into a new job and had been dealing with a toxic relationship with my manager which was emotionally exhausting alongside a heavy workload. Looking back the signals of burnout were happening for at least 6 months before it got to the stage where I was unable to function. I was so exhausted most days, I would fall asleep on the sofa at around 8.30pm unable to keep my eyes open. I felt trapped in my situation and couldn’t see a way out and at times I felt like I was the only one going through it and everyone else was able to deal with everything flawlessly. 

My confidence began to nose dive and I blamed myself for the situation; convinced that my manager's behaviour and my inability to cope with the workload was because I wasn’t working hard enough so I took on more and worked longer hours. For months in the lead up to my burnout I had flagged that workload, resourcing issues and my managers behaviour had been causing me excessive stress. I was told that that’s just the way things were there and was offered free subscriptions to the Headspace meditation app and Silvercloud for stress management; neither of these tools offered a solution to the underlying issue. As time wore on I struggled to enjoy life in the way I once had. I have always loved books and reading but during that time I didn’t want to and couldn’t read. I struggled to see the point in life if it was to feel like that everyday. 

During the time I was signed off work I contacted the company HR department for help as I was terrified of returning to the same situation I had left. Unfortunately they only redirected back to my manager even though I explained I had flagged the issues months prior to no avail. I felt increasingly isolated and when I returned to work after 3 months sick leave things did not change. I put a Wellness action plan in place to try and protect myself but the regular meetings with my manager to discuss the plan became so traumatic I cancelled them. Since I’d returned I was more protective over my mental health and tried to put boundaries in place to protect myself. I spent hours pulling together resourcing plans and running through detailed explanations on what could and could not be done in the time frames. These were all agreed upon at the time and then months later reneged on and the pressure piled on again. I had tried everything to stay doing a job I enjoyed but it wasn’t worth risking my mental health again so I knew my only option was to quit. 

Once I handed in my notice I felt a weight lifted and I knew I could make it through the final 3 months. It’s the only time in my career I have ever left a job without another one to go to unless I was moving countries but I knew I needed to take some time to recover and regain my confidence so I decided to take a career break. I originally planned for 6 months. I thought by that time I would have both recovered and have forged a new path forward but it took at least 6 months to undo the damage before I could think of the future.

Since the day I virtually walked out of that place I have been at peace. I know I’m incredibly fortunate to be in the position to take a break and there are so many people in similar situations who are hustling just to keep up and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to keep going. I wanted to share my experience in the hope it might make someone feel less alone, spot the signs early and take action. The best thing a colleague said to me when I returned from sick leave and was experiencing the toxic behaviour again was; it's not your fault, it’s not you, it’s happening to you. These simple words were a game changer and I’ll be forever thankful to him for saying them as it gave me the final push to quit. If you’re in a similar situation and need permission too, this is it. Plan your escape, take a break, tell someone what you’re going through.

I’m sharing the signs of burnout in the hope that if someone is able to recognise them in themselves, a family member, friend or colleague they may be able to catch it early. Mental health-UK.org identifies the common signs of burnout as:

• Feeling tired or drained most of the time

• Feeling helpless, trapped and/or defeated

• Feeling detached/alone in the world

• Having a cynical/negative outlook

• Self-doubt

• Procrastinating and taking longer to get things done

• Feeling overwhelmed

I wanted to share some helpful resources, books and podcasts that brought me some solace when I was deep in the thick of burnout. I hope they can bring some peace.

Podcasts - I found walking and listening to a Podcast really helped calm my anxiety something about the engagement of both mind and body.

• Happy Place - so many amazing guests sharing their own personal struggles it’s tough to single our one episode.

• I am I Have - Happiful Podcast covers a range of mental health topics. A recent episode (102) on Toxic work environments and how to navigate them.

• The Calmer You Podcast with Chloe Brotheridge - an expert hypnotherapist and coach. She shares her own experience of dealing with anxiety. She shares hoer 9 signs of burnout in episode 180.

Apps

• Happiful App, Podcast and magazine - a great resource of helpful articles, interviews with wellbeing experts and a useful tool to help you find local therapists

Books - I wasn’t able to read too much in the early days but this book really helped guide me through some simple exercises to help manage anxious thoughts

• The Mind Medic - Your five senses guide to living a calmer happier life By Dr Sarah Vohra