Why do we have to be one thing and not the other?
What happens when you don’t want to fit into a box
As summer is hurtling to a close I’ve taken a more gentle pace when it comes to writing. And I’ve very much been Embracing the ‘Fuck it ness’ of August as so beautifully described in by
in her newsletter So this week is a little shorter than most and a little later than most because, well, Fuck it. I hope you are enjoying the glimpses of summer and saying Fuck it in favour of the things you really want to do in the moment.
Lately I’ve been meeting a lot of new people. It’s great getting to know new people, a different experience of the world, a different perspective, so many stories. But what I’ve found curious is the questions we ask when we’re getting to know someone, and the habit we have of narrowing things down with a series of choices.
Things like, do you like to have a drink? Yes, do you like beer or wine? White or red? Slowly eliminating options and reducing your likes and dislikes until you’re forced to choose one thing over the other.
It’s not just the frivolous or the mundane either, it can go deeper. Are you a mother or a career woman? Why can’t someone be both or neither of those things? Or sometimes one and not the other?
All these questions eventually fit us into a nice little box, but we both know humans are much more complex than that.
I’ve found that when I try to reduce myself down to one thing to suite other people, it has been at the detriment of myself. Sometimes believing there was something wrong with me if I didn’t or couldn’t choose one thing.
In the world I occasionally inhabit, advertising and marketing, it’s part of designing a strategy, to narrow down your target audience. It’s important to understand how to speak to them, how to design your messaging, how they behave when it come to consuming advertising and marketing and where you can find them.
But as humans I think we are much more complex than that. One day we think something then the next something else entirely. We are products of our own unique experiences and the world around us.
And that’s the beauty right there, we are ever changing, curious and complex. Constantly learning, discovering and becoming. Now when someone asks me if I prefer one thing or the other, and I truly love them both, I say so.
And in case you’re interested on sunny days when I’m outside I like Rose. On a Saturday afternoon in a pub garden I like a beer. In summer before dinner I like a crisp glass of white and on a cosy winters evening I like nothing more than a nice Red.
I’m curious, do you fit yourself into a box to make it easier for people to understand you?
I find the concept of ‘boxes’ frustrating, but it does seem to be a very human trait to want to categorise. I enjoyed reading this as a reminder that we can expand our range of questions. I’m starting a new part time job on Thursday and I’m going to try my hardest to ask some more interesting questions to new people I meet. This job will form only part of my income and so I don’t want to be defined by it completely.