Why is it so difficult to surrender control

A life long lesson of learning to go with the flow

Happy Monday, I hope these words find you well and I wonder if, like me, you are struggling to go with the flow at the moment.

Photo by Maksym Tymchyk 🇺🇦 on Unsplash

A few weeks ago I freaked out. Up until that point I had been relatively comfortable with uncertainty, with following the path less taken. But last week I found myself in a state of panic about the future. The future that had not yet come and the outcome that may never be.

I was heading towards the 6-month mark of going it alone, of going all in on The Curious Marketer after taking a career break. I was not yet where I wanted to be. But instead of leaning on all that I’d learnt over the past year, I panicked.

I fired my CV out all over London, which takes a hell of a lot of time. Tailoring a CV to the role peppered with relevant keywords and writing a thoughtful cover letter which will most likely never see the light of day. There were jobs I was genuinely interested in, but there were just as many that I wasn’t. Then there were also some I wasn’t even right for. A role at a new content channel for Gen Z, I couldn’t be more wrong for the role I’m Gen X, an elder millennial if I’m being generous.

What it boiled down to was I had wasted valuable time and energy on roles that were not aligned with my values or my interests and that wouldn’t help me move closer to the long-term goal. It was fear and panic that what I wanted would never come and a need to take control.

But what I realised was, it was my values I had sidelined, and that was the biggest issue.

Last week I shared a great podcast in last week's Things I’m curious about. The subject was perfectionism and it carried some wise words. Ultimately if you don’t know your own values, or in my case, if you let yourself sideline them, you will default to cultural values like efficiency, productivity etc. That’s exactly what I had done.

As I know it can be exhausting trying to be someone you’re not, and ultimately saying no to things means you’re saying yes to yourself.

So this week I stopped and went back to basics. I reminded myself I’m ok and I have everything I need. I’m doing everything I need to. I just need to keep going. I just need to go with the flow. Something I’m not great at. I’m a planner, I like to know what’s next, and when’s it coming. Putting it out there and leaving things to chance is not my strong point.

But a perfectly timed and incredibly interesting evening webinar put things into perspective. I joined an interview with Emily Maitlis newsreader, documentary maker and journalist. Known for, among her many accomplishments, that prince Andrew interview. The session was full to bursting with wisdom. The three that resonated with me the most were:

Life doesn’t go in one direction

It's okay to go with the flow

Be honest with yourself and keep challenging yourself

So I’ve written that down on a post-it and stuck it above my desk next to: one thing at a time and done is better than perfect to remind me that not everything in life is about being in control. Sometimes the most extraordinary things happen when you loosen your grip and veer ever so slightly off the beaten track.