Why do we find it so difficult to rest

On prioritising rest and learning how to be still

(Dog - authors own) This is what real rest looks like

I started writing this a few weeks ago, ahead of a holiday. I had every intention of finishing it on the many car journeys as we travelled around the country. But it occurred to me that this was part of the problem, a need to fill the gaps with productivity, not rest. So I took two weeks off writing my newsletter. And guess what? Nothing bad happened. 

I’m a product of the system, as most of us are. Programmed to be productive at all times, worth measured by the volume of output, self-loathing filling the gaps where optimum productivity failed to deliver. 

In my 20’s, when I still had the energy, I tried to fight the system. I kept a tally of all the extra hours I worked, and then marched into HR with my spreadsheet, only to be laughed out of the poorly lit cubicle. I couldn't understand why no one else was challenging it, why they were happy to sit there, night after night, eating every meal with one hand on the keyboard.

Then in my 30’s I tried to build boundaries between work and life. On Tuesdays, I left on time to have dinner and watch The Great British Bake-Off with a friend who was undergoing cancer treatment. Every week, as I turned off my computer, my priorities were brought into question. And they were right, my priorities have never been with a company at the expense of everything else.

In his book, Four Thousand Weeks, Oliver Burkeman talks about the way rest has been framed as a tool for increasing productivity. Every call for four day weeks or reduced hours is sold to companies as a tool for increasing productivity. This has meant seeing leisure time as an opportunity to reboot for the next bout of work. It treats us like machines rather than humans. And this makes me increasingly sad.

Because somewhere along the way, I forgot how to rest. I became worn down by the system and found it easier in the short term to toe the line. It meant less conflict in day-to-day life but less time for rest was never a long-term solution. 

Rest goes beyond the physical. Emotional rest is just as important, something I grossly underestimated. In this article 7 types of rest, we learn that when you don’t get enough of one or more of these types of rest you end up with a rest ‘deficit’, which can lead to burnout and overwhelm.  

This happened to me, and in 2020 I was forced to rest. But the need to feel productive ran deep and I needed to come down gradually. During a period of burnout, I undertook a variety of DIY tasks. To keep my hands busy and feel productive. It satisfied my need for achievement and gave my brain a much-needed rest from complex thinking.

But rest should be true leisure, not a different kind of productivity. An activity carried out for sheer enjoyment, no result needed, no numbers to hit, just something for the sake of it.

‘The truth then, is that spending at least some of your leisure time ‘wastefully’, focused solely on the pleasure of the experience, is the only way not to waste it’ - Four Thousand Weeks, Oliver Burkeman

It took me a while to rest for rest's sake. I believed I always needed to be working towards a future goal. That’s why, as I’ve grown my content strategy for my business, I have kept this substack separate. If you’re interested in marketing, you are most welcome to join my other substack 

The Curious Marketer

but I wanted to keep a distinction between work and pure pleasure. This substack is a pleasure to write, not a numbers game, and I want to keep it that way.

I’ve read books on the subject of rest, of which there are many. Reading itself is an act of rest according to Claudia Hammond's book The Art of Rest; number one according to the research. But yet, I can’t sit still for long without feeling guilty or turning it into a quest for productivity by setting reading targets. This past weekend I allowed myself to read a full book. From Friday to Sunday I devoured Carrie Soto is Back from cover to cover, without letting myself feel the guilt of not being productive, and it was bliss.

Along the way, I've found, the only way to rest is to create a habit around it. So that it becomes second nature. A walk without worrying about time. Unplugging from our phones and screens for a few hours or days. Spending time in the company of friends and family. Putting out good into the world.

It’s easier said than done, and there is still so much more unlearning to do, but whenever I do build rest into my days I find a clarity of thought and an energy that makes the hard work of choosing rest over productivity all the more worth it.

And I hope as you spend a quiet and thoughtful Sunday catching up on your favourite Substacks I will be curled up next to the dog doing the same. Because nothing bad happens when you’re in the company of a dog.